![]() I mean, where’s it all going to end? - Tom Stoppard Dave BarryĮternity’s a terrible thought. ![]() What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. Have you noticed how many people apologize to corpses? - David BrenĮverybody has to die, but I always believed an exception would be made in my case. Why must important conversations come so late. Things you don’t want to hear at the reading of the will: “First, your Uncle Walter apologizes for betting everything on the 5th race at Belmont.” - Greg Tamblyn The size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather. No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die If you don't go to other men's funerals, they won't go to yours. I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Tipping is recommended where I’m going.’ - NY Times Steven WrightĪsked that $100 in small bills be placed in his left sock ‘just in case When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. What I want at my funeral is an actual boxing referee to do a count and at 5, just wave it off and say, ‘He’s not getting up.’ Garry Shandling I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. (like running with the bulls in Pamplona, bungee-jumping) accidentallyĭied after tripping on his hall carpet and hitting his head on the wall True: The guy who wrote 100 Things to Do Before You Die I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure. Laborer, working on a sweatshop assembly line in China. Having been a buddhist, has been reincarnated as the 14 millionth Daily Little boy to old man: “Yeah, well, I didn’t believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.” - (from a cartoon by Dave Coverly, ) There was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. We believe that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and you can’t get it down. I just don't want to be there when it happens. If you find death unsettling, disturbing, or scary, these funny death quotes and sayings will help you laugh about it now so you can die laughing later. Science / Nature Time / Reality Weather / Tech / School / College. ![]() Travel / Writing / Books / TV / Advertising.Health / Doctor / Food / Exercise / Beauty / Clothes.Movies / Music / Famous People / Funny Proverbs / Fortune Cookies / Witty Retorts. ![]() Life / Death / Inspiration / Work / Money / Success / Mankind.Love / Marriage / Parents / Kids / Women / Men / Family / Grandparents / Seniors / Aging / Friendship.Random Jokes / Favorite Jokes / Funny Emails / Funny Lists / Practical Jokes.Short Jokes plus Funny T-shirts / Funny Signs / Tombstones / Bumper Stickers.Sports / Baseball / Football / Basketball / Dogs / Cats / More.Doctor / Nurse / Dentist / Boss / Lawyer / Cop / Teacher / Geek / Engineer / Musician / Drummer.Men / Women / Marriage / Kids / Dates / Seniors / Grandparents.Anniversaries / Valentines Day / Saint Patricks / Mothers Day / Fathers Day / April Fools / Graduation / Halloween / Thanksgiving / Christmas / Easter / New Years. ![]()
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